Various Ways To Impress People With Your Awesomeness

Or:
Insert Yourself [Here].

You're probably wondering: what sort of amazing magic is she speaking of? 

Unfortunately, it may not be as exciting as you had hoped. For example, I am not speaking of awesome pills, which are totally awesome.

No refunds.

Nor am I speaking of adopting a pet platypus, having your video go viral on the internet, or writing an SAT Prep Book (everybody loves those guys). Instead, I am offering you the best thing since toast. (And let me tell you, toast is really, really awesome.)

Here's how it works: 

Imagine you are working in a new office, say, one that manufactures stuffed porcupines with helmets and bicycles (every self-respecting porcupine has a bicycle. Don't tell me you didn't know.) While trying to impress your officemates with your finesse at handling porcupines, you get stabbed by twenty angry porcupines from the Porcupines' Labor Union. Now you are in quite a pickle. How do you redeem yourself in front of your office and retain your job? Well, sir/ma'am, do I have the answer for you! Just insert yourself and your job title into this lovely template, and the next time anyone needs a favor, send them this picture, to let them know that you've got this. 

It's fairly easy. All you've got to do is insert your info, and you can go from lame to astronomical sorts of awesomeness in mere seconds:

Let's imagine another scenario. 

Mayhap it comes to be that you and your friends with whom you swore you would never never part and with whom you made blood pacts about how you would be crazy aunts/uncles to each other's children and whose faces you decorated with pickles and M&Ms when they were the first to pass out have for some reason lost contact over the years.

Mayhap this occurs.

What are you going to do about it? There are, I suppose, several ways to reconnect with old friends. You could call them. You could email them. You could send them a hand-written letter. You could make a heartfelt video about your time together. You could physically visit them. However, you know I'm here to help you out. And truthfully, the best way to reconnect with anyone is to upload this picture to your facebook page and tag them in it. Works every time.

Because, in their heart of hearts, who doesn't want to be depicted as a piece of cheese?

Now obviously this can be edited to your heart's desire: maybe you have just a single friend with whom you need to reconnect, or maybe there are six of you. In any case, this wonderful template is guaranteed to touch the hearts of your long lost friends, or your money back (that is, monopoly money).

A third scenario: 

I find it quite effective, when you want to make a point, to find striking photos of animals on the internet and then manipulate them using one or two word tag lines. For example:

To this owl's fierce portrait you may add anything that is irritating you, and it makes it look 100% awesome and scary. If Fredbob has been pushing your buttons at work, go ahead and add his name at the bottom and make it your profile picture. It's sure to get anyone's attention. 

Fredbob won't be messing with you anytime soon.

Another example of inserting yourself into animals photographs is much tamer. You may have seen this type of photo manipulation in wonderful publication such as Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News With Baby Animals. It's really quite simple. First, find an adorable picture that you love. Then, use it around the office to express yourself. For example, use a baby elephant to ask for a raise. And for when your boss does give you that raise, upload this onto Fredbob's monitor background:

Rub it in his face. Just a bit.

Finally, let us explore our capacity for romantic love.

Always around the holidays people are scrambling for ways to tell that special someone that they love them. How is this best done? If seeing them in person and serenading them with a song you've been working on for seven years is not possible, the next best thing is probably to find a pretty picture online and adapt it to your needs. A landscape photo might be your best shot in this instance. You might choose any one of these pictures to be the messenger for your great love. 

Once you have found the appropriate one, go ahead and add any sort of message you like, from song lyrics, to poetry, to a personal letter. Refer below for inspiring ideas.

                                          From the poem How Do I Love Thee? by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

                                                            These lyrics are from the Owl City album, Ocean Eyes.


And so now you have it! The best ways to insert yourself into awesomeness with as little time spent as possible. I hope you utilize these photos to the best of your ability (and then link it back to me!) This is probably the truest answer we'll ever get for this question: