Sometimes people ask me for my sage advice on how to rid themselves of pesky nuisances, like asteroids falling from the sky at inconvenient times, having your pencils stolen by a rabid penguin, and friends. Friends really are the bane of everyone's existence; you need to hang out with them, and spend time with them, and buy them presents, and tell them secrets, etc. Without friends we would probably have time to learn five different languages and become famous saxophone players. And to that end, I've definitely discovered a sure-fire way to rid yourselves of your friends.
So I'll tell you, it's like this: one night I was surfing the internet, completely unaware that mysterious hooded figures were out in the rain plotting against me. Alas, when I logged on to facebook, my profile picture had been changed from this:
No joke, my friend hacked into my account, and that was my profile picture for several hours. So of course I could not just let this stand. You can't let someone transform your profile picture from a lovely young paint drawing to a very fat old man without retaliation. So I hacked into her account and changed her profile picture to this lovely drawing I drew of her:
Personally I thought this was a pretty accurate drawing and also that it was a very lenient way to retaliate. However, she disliked my drawing, so I decided on a new course of action. I hacked into her account once again and changed her name from Sally Sallyson to Snuzzelcheese. She really did not like this. I thought it was hilarious, compounded by the fact that she had no idea how to change her name back. So she remained Snuzzlecheese for a good half hour. I took pictures. It's totally rewarding to see that "Snuzzelcheese has commented on your wall post."
Her friends were all confused. I was cracking up. Eventually I took pity on her and changed her name back. But I promise you, this is most certainly the way to lose as many friends as possible.
Leave behind those days of changing your friend's profile picture on facebook and tagging them in photos of Elmo, and move on to the new way of friend repelling, guaranteed, or your money back.
So on that note, what do you think of this?
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